dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
