I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
