I wish my penis had an off switch
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
