I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
