He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
