The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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