haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
