singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
