Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
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