The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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