I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
