Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
