Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
