i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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