how can u be prego again
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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