i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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