considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
