If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
