I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
