4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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