can u get pink eye on your cock?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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