Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
