Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
