Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
