and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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