So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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