I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
