Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
