apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
