I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
