just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
