Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
