PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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