Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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