Need sex. Gaining weight.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
