Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
two words...techno handjob
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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