Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
