So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
