He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she peed on how many people?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
