I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize