yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
