I can tuck mytits in my pants
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
