I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
it was like eating out sand paper
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just found a bag of teeth...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
