I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
