I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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