Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
