I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
