I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
