we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I am never drinking with the goths again.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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