how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
