Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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