coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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